Open Mic

Obama's Improbable Peace Prize Plays Like It Was Invented in Hollywood; I Hear It Actually Was

Chuck Ross Posted October 9, 2009 at 11:08 AM

President Obama’s selection as the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize came as such a surprise, some wags are saying even Hollywood wouldn’t have come up with such an improbable scenario.

But our TVWeek sources say that that’s exactly where the idea was hatched. They even provided us with a transcript of the meeting between writer-director Robert Towne, Oprah Winfrey, "24" showrunner Howard Gordon and Arnold Schwarzenegger, plus some talent including Stewie Griffin, Cosmo Kramer and Ricky Ricardo. (Or maybe they didn't. I might have dreamt this … )

Winfrey: Let me get this right: Barack and I go all the way to Denmark and get all this publicity and make a big splash, and then the IOC screws us?

Towne: That’s right. And then when Obama finds out he’s been screwed, Rahm grabs his shoulder and says, “Forget it, Barack. It’s Copenhagen.”

Winfrey: No, forget it. Doesn’t work for me.

Gordon: OK. Two ways to get out of this. One, Bauer takes out the entire IOC for the insult. Or two, unbeknownst to everyone, Oprah and Obama sneak over to Norway and, and , and ….

Towne: Why would they do that?

Winfrey (ignoring him): Hmm. Keep talking.

Schwarzenegger: Ya. I should be in the party too. I harassed a woman from Scandanavia once. I like them. We go over there to talk to the Nobel guys about maybe giving me an award.

Winfrey: Maybe not.

Stewie: Please. And I thought the dog was stupid. No Ahnold, we tell the Nobel folks Obama’s got to get the Nobel Peace Prize.

Winfrey: Obama?

Kramer: I like this. I think it can work.

Stewie: I was kidding, you morons.

Schwarzenegger: No, I’m the Governator. You wanna give this to the Presidentator?

Winfrey: The who?

Stewie (to Schwarzenegger): Imbecile! If I may borrow a line from my own show, if you don’t shut up I'll put you on diaper detail and I promise I won't make it easy for you!

So the plot was hatched. Obama would get shafted on the Olympics decision, but the happy Hollywood ending would be preserved by his getting the Nobel Peace Prize. Yes, not really logical, but neither was “Forrest Gump,” and that won the best screenplay and picture Oscars.

Oh, yes; after all the details were finalized at the meeting, there was one last vestige of protest:

Ricky Ricardo: Nobel committee, you've got some splainin' to do!