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Hold Onto Your Lunch…

April 29, 2008 10:45 AM

If the worst part about the apocalypse for you is the not knowing, then today is your day.

G4 has announced the premiere of competition show, “Hurl!” It’s a bold step toward cementing “body fluids” as a stand-alone genre and surely, with it, the imminent destruction of the human race.

“Hurl!” asks contestants to consume massive amounts of “popular All-American favorite foods,” such as hot dogs, fish sticks or blueberry pie, and then participate in physical challenges (“carnival rides,” “belly flops” and “mechanical bull-riding” among others) designed to induce reverse peristalsis. The last player to hold on to his bolus gets the “Iron Stomach Award” and the honor of having helped replicate Monty Python’s Mr. Creosote sketch without English accents or ironic distance.

“The aim of ‘Hurl!’ is to hold up a mirror to the wan face of a society driven by economic and sociopolitical woes into base aesthetic escapism and induce a kind of cultural nausea,” said G4 President Neal Tiles.

Just kidding—he didn’t say that.

But he did say, in a statement painstakingly crafted to include every possible marketing buzzword of 2007, “G4's mission is to be a multimedia destination that's relevant and authentic to the interests of today’s young male demo. ‘Hurl!’ is really an idea that is inspired by the world of viral video, which has proven to be massively popular with young guys today.”

Barring a second press release from Ashton Kutcher, look for “Hurl!,” and for the sun to turn black as sackcloth, this summer.

—Julieanne Smolinski

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