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"Big Brother" is the reality show critics love to hate. But for passionate fans of the unscripted CBS soap opera, summer would be a bummer without it. That includes TVWeek editors Michele Greppi and Josef Adalian, who’ve decided to chronicle their “Brother”-ly love via regular blog postings. From the first HOH competition to the last "But first…" to fall from the lips of the Chenbot, they’ll be serving up their unfiltered take on life inside TV’s most dysfunctional house of horrors.

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Oh Brother!



The Tao of Jessie

July 29, 2008 3:02 PM

Michele Greppi: I’ve decided to lean into the Jessie experience and relish his mental midgetry. It happened as he was talking to Angie on the couch. It’s a little long, but it’s pure Jessie and proof that “BB” doesn’t have writers, because you just can’t make this you-know-what up. I have attempted to punctuate faithfully to his habit of speaking in sentences only a Rube Goldberg grammarian could diagram.

So just take a deep breath as Jessie starts out talking about the angst (my word, certainly not his) of being up for eviction. “When it starts messing with me sleeping, when it starts messing with me eating—because if you think about it, take any animal in life, take, I mean, just a perfect analogy—again, I use a lot of analogies and similes for everything that I talk about, because how else can you really explain anything to somebody that can’t think rationally—not you [Angie], obviously—the point being: If you tail a squirrel and it’s running around and it picks up a nut, it’s not going to sit there and eat it right in front of you unless it feels safe.

“It’s going to run back up into its tree until it feels safe to eat. It’s why everybody couldn’t go to the bathroom the first couple of days [in the house], because they didn’t feel safe. Do you understand? “And when—I was fine. I could eat, I could whatever. Point being, this whole [f-gerund deleted] rigmarole was because of one person, whatever, independent person inside here, and it’s just like I lost weight. I let them get to me that much. And I’m, like, why? Why? Why? Why? Why am I letting them affect my life that much? Who are they?”

At this point Jessie looks at the fingernails he’s been picking at. “This stuff will not come off my fingers and my fingers are so long right now.”

Angie suggests he file his nails, to which Jessie replies: “With paper? You saw the filing thing, right? It’s not like sandpaper. It doesn’t have any grain to it. I mean, I’ll bite ’em off. I could care less, but I’d rather not, you know, but I will if that’s what it comes down to.” Jessie cracks his knuckles and makes like a “Price Is Right” model gesturing at his frequently fed muscles. “All this is not for basketball.

“Like my personality is, like, rational thinking process. Like I can sit down to somebody and make so many different similes and, like, analogies and they’re like, ‘Oh, my God, I totally understand. I would not even understand, like, how to change the oil, but just by you making—.”

At that point “BBAD” producers cruelly cut to a kitchen conversation about unspecified sexual acts.

I just hope this won’t be the Last Lecture from Jessie. But I’m rooting for him all the way now. And we can have a Jessie philosophy pop test at the end.

Josef Adalian: I missed most of that. I cannot thank you enough for the recap. I tuned in later when the J-Man was musing about how the only thing that matters in a picture is how he looks. “If you look at a picture, as long as you look good in it, you could care less about everybody else. Everybody else has their eyes closed, you know, but as long as you look good in it, you’re like, ‘Oh, yeah, it’s great picture.’ Same kind of theory here. As long as you look good, you’re like, ‘Oh, yeah, that was a good season.’”

Nah, he’s not self-absorbed at all.

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