According to the Onion, the news parody and satire specialists, this was what Tiger Woods had to say recently when he made his first public TV announcement since scandal first rocked his world on Thanksgiving day:
"In an announcement highly anticipated by sex fans around the world, Tiger Woods told a small gathering of reporters, family, and lovers Friday that the most dominant fornicator on the planet would soon return to sex."
The Onion account continues, "Woods said that during his brief time away from sex, he couldn’t stop thinking about one day resuming his daily regimen of sexual intercourse with random women who look vaguely like his wife, only skankier."
You get the idea. You’re either going to find it funny or offensive. Perhaps both. The Onion parody gets VERY graphic in its sexual descriptions, so don’t click on the link to it if that kind of parody offends you. Here’s the link.