In a radio rant that Entertainment Weekly called "stunning," Charlie Sheen attacked "Two and a Half Men" creator Chuck Lorre, Alcoholics Anonymous and Thomas Jefferson, to name just a few of his targets.

Sheen was on the Alex Jones radio show. You can find the audio here, at TMZ’s website. And it sure sounds like the real Sheen to us.

Here’s what Sheen had to say on the radio how about Lorre, as published by New York Magazine’s Vulture blog:

"On Chuck Lorre’s Sheen-tweaking vanity card [at the close of the Feb. 14 episode]:
‘I didn’t care about that vanity card … that was one of the few compliments that clown has paid me in almost a decade.’

"On Lorre himself: ‘I’m tired of being told "You can’t talk about that, you can’t talk about that." Bull S-H-I-T. There’s something this side of deplorable that a certain Chaim Levine–yeah, that’s Chuck’s real name–mistook this rock star for his own selfish exit strategy, bro. Check it, Alex: I embarrassed him in front of his children and the world by healing at a pace that his unevolved mind cannot process. Last I checked, Chaim, I spent close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold. And the gratitude I get is this charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to write. Clearly someone who believes he’s above the law.’ "

According to the Access Hollywood account ot the radio rant, Sheen also said this:

“I was told if I went on the attack, they would cancel the show. Are they happy with the $5 billion they made off me? [‘Two and a Half Men’] is a runaway frickin’ juggernaut.”

Access Hollywood’s account continued, "Sheen made it abundantly clear he doesn’t believe the show can survive without him, telling Jones, ‘Watch your ratings, dudes. Watch your stupid ratings. Do what you’re gonna do–I’ll go make movies with superstars,’ he threatened."

Here’s what Sheen had to say about AA–this excerpt is from the EW article:

"Regarding AA, Sheen called the organization a ‘bootleg cult’ with a 5 percent success rate. ‘I have a disease?’ he said. ‘Bulls—. I cured it … with my mind. … it’s all good, guys. Quit panicking. No panic, no judgment. … You can kill me but you do not have the right to judge me … I can’t use the word sober because that’s a term from those people, and I have cleansed myself. I have closed my eyes and in a nanosecond I cured myself from this ridiculous … It’s just the work of sissies. The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning. You know? This bootleg cult arrogantly referred to as AA now supports a 5 percent success rate. My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math! … One of their stupid mottos is ‘don’t be special, be one of us.’ News flash: I am special and I will never be one of you. ‘Oh, we have to all sit in here and touch ourselves and frown.’ Well, you don’t look like you’re having a lot of fun. I’m going to hang out with these two smokin’ hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here but I sure like the view.’ "

About Thomas Jefferson Sheen said, according to Vulture, "I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy." 

If all of this wasn’t enough, check out these other quotes from Sheen’s radio rant, as published by Vulture:

On why he should be feared:
"There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."

Wait, what?
"Guys, it’s right there in the thing, duh! We work for the Pope, we murder people. We’re Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be? What they’re not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes."

No, seriously: What?
"If you love with violence and you hate with violence, there’s nothing that can be questioned. People say, ‘Oh, you’d better work through your resentments.’ Yeah, no. I’m gonna hang on to them, and they’re gonna fuel my attack. And they’re going to fuel the battle cry of my deadly and dangerous and secret and silent soldiers. Because they’re all around you. Sorry, you thought you were just messing with one dude. Winning."

Speaking of the possibility that there will be a "Major League 3" theatrical movie, Sheen said, "If they want me in it, it’s a smash. If they don’t, it’s a turd that opens on a tugboat."

EW concluded its coverage of Sheen’s rant with this: "CBS, Warner Bros. and Sheen’s publicist all had no comment … for now. ‘Men’ is set to resume production on Monday, with Sheen due on the set on Tuesday. Whether sober during this interview or not, Sheen’s comments are so hostile toward Lorre (who also produces CBS hits ‘Big Bang Theory’ and ‘Mike & Molly’) and so generally unpleasant and egocentric and crazy-sounding, it has industry insiders wondering whether the hit show will continue. Though the network and studio have demonstrated plenty of patience with Sheen’s antics, one wonders if this interview will finally cross some kind of threshold."

And at about 3:40 p.m. PT, EW added this update to its coverage. "Actually, the fate of ‘Men’ might now be an easy decision for the network and studio after all. TMZ claims it reached Sheen in the Bahamas where he took his rant against Lorre to a new stratosphere: ‘I violently hate Chaim Levine (Chuck Lorre). He’s a stupid, stupid little man and a p–sy punk that I’d never want to be like. That’s me being polite. That piece of s–t took money out of my pocket, my family’s pocket, and, most importantly, my second family–my crew’s pocket. You can tell him one thing. I own him.’ ”