Jimmy Kimmel at the ABC Upfront Presentation, Being Very Funny. Here’s Some of His Monologue

May 17, 2011  •  Post A Comment

It’s a tradition that’s so good, so much fun for all the advertisers, media agency folks and press in the audience, we’d recommend every network hire him to entertain at their upfront presentations.

We’re talking about ABC’s own Jimmy Kimmel, who once again exercised his acid tongue by biting the network that feeds him–as well as skewering the other networks as well–at the ABC upfront presentation, which was held at Avery Fisher Hall in New York City on Tuesday afternoon, May 17, 2011.

Some of Kimmel’s choice nuggets:

 "You come here and we shower you with promises and never really follow through on any of them. If this was a show, we’d call it ‘The Bachelor.’ We tell you we love you; we give you a rose; we canoodle with you in a hot tub and then two and a half months down the line, you realize we’re gay."

"Remember those shows that we were so excited about last fall? We canceled all of them. And yet here you are again. I think you might have a gambling problem."

"It’s cute that [NBC is] trying, right?  [NBC’s Entertainment President Robert Greenblatt] thanked God for ‘The Voice’… God has nothing to do with what’s going on at NBC. God stopped watching NBC after ‘Friends.’ And God isn’t in the demo anyway."

"I can’t promise you any of these shows will be good. I can’t promise you any of them will be successful. But what I can promise you is that they will be expensive to advertise in."

"No matter what anyone tells you this week, the business of network television is very uncertain right now. Fox, ABC and NBC are all losing viewers to cable and the Internet. And CBS is losing them to natural causes… I hate to flood you with facts and statistics, but more people die watching CBS than any other network."

"We’re excited about all of our shows. Except ‘Shark Tank.’ We have no idea how that got back on the schedule. You know what someone should invent on Shark Tank? A replacement for ‘Shark Tank.’ "

"I have to say, i think [Fox’s upcoming ‘The X-Factor’] is the best idea of 2002. It’s like ‘American Idol’ meets a mirror."

"CBS announced a plan to move forward and retool the show, and sure enough they found another tool, Ashton Kutcher. He happens to be a pretty solid choice. He’s popular, he’s handsome, he’s talented and he has experience. Remember, he did a very good job replacing Bruce Willis."

One Comment

  1. “as well as skewering the other networks as well”

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