Jimmy Kimmel, at ABC’s Upfront Presentation, Takes Aim at Rival Networks — Here Are Some of His Best Lines

May 15, 2013  •  Post A Comment

Jimmy Kimmel is known for his wisecracks at ABC’s upfront presentation, and this year was no different, with the "Jimmy Kimmel Live" host skewering not only his own network but rival networks as well, The Hollywood Reporter’s Live Feed reports.

Here are some of his best lines, according to the report.

On NBC’s ratings: "They came behind Univision this year," said Kimmel, referring to NBC’s loss to Univision in the February sweeps. "They have an interesting strategy next year — they’re going to oppose immigration reform."

On Fox’s ratings slide: "Except for the problems with ‘American Idol,’ there’s a lot to like about their new schedule. Except for the hole in the side of the boat, there was a lot to like about Titanic."

On ABC’s new streaming app: "We believe this is a revolutionary new way for us to take money from you. … We are very excited about our new app — now you need never miss your favorite ABC shows just because you’re driving."

On the upfronts themselves: "[We’re] just throwing a bunch of shit at a wall to see what sticks. And guess what, you’re the wall. … Next year you’ll come back and do it again, and every year I wonder what’s wrong with this process. Which got me thinking, maybe this is a good place for me to sell some of my own shit." Kimmel then displayed some of his Craigslist ads for items such as a used cellphone and an old printer.

On the upfront buying season: "As the old saying you can’t polish a turd, but you can buy $100 million of ad time on it. So let’s do that, let’s go in on a turd together."

On Jay Leno leaving NBC’s ‘Tonight Show’: "[NBC] did a lot of research and they realized that by being number 1 in his time slot, he was embarrassing their other shows."

And on Leno’s replacement, Jimmy Fallon: "He’s the one who sings and plays guitar. I’m the one who comes here every year and calls you assholes."

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